Episode 15 - That's a lot of cats! (the divorce episode)

This week's topic: Crazy divorce stories

The ladies discuss some crazy reasons for divorce and wonder what it would take for them to leave their husbands. A "horrifically ugly" baby? Maybe being married to a toilet paper czar? Definitely a breastfeeding adult... They discuss these true stories and share their plan for a guilt-free divorce. Don't be a weenie - listen now!

Rate, review and subscribe wherever you like to listen. Find us on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok @mycrazyfriendpodcast. Email us at mycrazyfriendpodcast@gmail.com

Transcript

00:03
Hey, welcome to my crazy friend. This is Laura. And this is Cori. And this is the podcast where we talk about crazy shit. Crazy shit. The craziest. And this week, we are gonna continue our theme of.

00:20
matrimonial, less than bliss, I guess. Some was bliss, right? I don't remember. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. So anyway, weddings, honeymoons, obviously the next step would be divorce, right? Yeah, so today is crazy divorces. But before we get into that, we're gonna talk about our crazy shit of the week. Crazy shit of the week. Ooh, it sounds fancy when you do that. Oh, you're welcome. Yes, that's what I'm going for. My.

00:47
craziest thing of the week actually involves you, Miss Laura. Oh, fancy! Yeah, my best friend. My best friend. So on Wednesday, I got a wonderful text. I'll just read it to you. Okay. I send you a lot of texts. This text was from you and it said, Ugg, can I ask you a huge lots of yous favor? Yeah. I ran out of the house and I was meeting my parents in Carlisle for a movie. Yeah. And I can't remember if I turned off the candle burner and I don't want the...

01:17
house to burn down. Would you be able to check? I'm so lots of zeros or ohs. Sorry, I don't know why I do that. If it wasn't sitting in the movie and when this hit me, I'd go home and check. I'll buy you lots of coffees. I will too. So, would you like to talk about what ensued after I got that text or do you want to give us a little background? Well, let me tell you what happened before I sent you that text. Okay, sounds good. Okay. So, we ran out of the house, went to a movie because I ended work and whatever. So, we're driving

01:46
What movie did you go see? Cocaine Bear. I don't even know what that is. Oh, it's worth a watch. Okay. Every bit as good as the title implies. Did your parents like it? Oh yeah. Okay, it was a smash hit in the whole family. Okay, cool. You never heard of it. Oh, look it up. Bye.

02:05
So we're going and we're like walking in, sitting there going, I think I did everything. You have a mental checklist just to make sure you checked all your boxes before you leave the house? And I was like, and I was making a candle. And I was like, did I turn the candle burner off? I go, I think I did. So I went over and I remember all the steps I took, like looked in the pan, took the stuff out, poured the wax, yada yada yada, but I don't remember the step of actually turning the burner off. But I'm thinking I probably did because my whole purpose of walking over was to turn it off,

02:35
Remember, so let me just make sure. So we went with Jonas, so I said, hey kiddo, do me a favor. Can you ask your friend that lives across the street if he could just pop on over, just make sure I turned it off. If you wouldn't mind if he's home. And he goes, okay. And I said, or your friend that lives down the street a minute, walk away. He's in our house all the time anyway, so if you wouldn't mind, if one of them could just do me this favor, I'll owe them. Pretty sure I turned it off, wanna make sure. No response. So then I'm like, you know what?

03:05
I'm just gonna reach out to Cori, because I can't sit around and wait for 15 year olds to respond. No, your house will be burning down. Right, so that's when you got that text. Right, and then it was like back and forth. It was like, oh nevermind, okay, and then finally. No wait, hold on, so in that, before you got that one then, sorry, I wasn't sure where we were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then, after I sent you that, I guess you were probably getting ready to go, his friend across the street was like, yep, I can go check on it. Yeah, pretty much I was like, hey Stu, the Wool's house might be burning down.

03:35
We need to go check on it. Yeah. He said, oh, okay, cool. Cool. Cool, we should do that. That all tracks, let's just head on over there and see. Yeah. Right? Yeah, you know, I was worried about your pets. Oh yeah. Well. You know. Yeah, as one would be. Sure, sure. So.

03:50
So then I'm sitting here and then he goes, oh nope, my buddy across the street, he's gonna go over and check. I'm like okay, Cori, don't worry about it. He says his friend's gonna come over and check. You know, just hold tight and make sure there's no issue, but as long as he can confirm everything's good, no worries, right? We're in the car at this time and I'm like, you know, I just, I would feel better, I think, just to go check. Yeah, well yeah. And then I was like, well, just, and then so you sent me then like, what should I do? Should I go or should I not? And I was like, let me just check and see.

04:20
if he actually got there or not. You know, so I was like, Jonas, did he respond? So then he goes, oh yeah, and then he shows me this picture. Yes, and I will say, you sent me the picture, the picture does at first glance look like a fire. Yeah, it looks like a small fire, and if you notice, the pot where the fire would be is circled in blue, and then again, in yellow outline. Yes. So he shows me this, and he goes, look, it's just a small fire. At which, while we're sitting,

04:50
in the movie theater. Right, right. The movie has started at this point. And I said, what? Tell him to go in, take the pot off of the burner, just take it outside, it'll be fine. And he goes, he's not gonna go in, Mom, because of the dogs. I said, he's gonna, what? He goes in there all the time, like he knows our dogs. Just tell him to just open the door and let the dogs out. Mom, no, because of the dogs, he's not going to. So he said, no, Mom, he's not gonna go in on account of the dogs.

05:20
of barking, you know, never a stranger. Yeah, and you know, Clover's a little intimidating, so I get it, I get it. And I was like, do you want us to come? And then you called me and was like, yeah, could you go because there's a fire. It's contained at the moment. Where are you guys at? And I'm like, we're on the back road to your house, and we were flying. And I was like, oh my god. And now I'm panicking because I didn't really

05:50
if there was going to be an actual fire, we didn't, like we weren't, we're not firemen. We didn't have like our fire extinguisher with us. I'm like, where's your fire paraphernalia? And you're like, oh, there's a fire blanket hanging somewhere. And I'm like, great. So I have to find something and like save your house. And then I'm like, do we call the fire department? And then Stu's like, well, we should see what's happening first because they will destroy the house. You don't wanna call the fire department. Do you have to? I'm like, yes, but there's dogs. And then the dogs will eat the firemen.

06:20
and the way there. And she was like, you need to calm the fuck down and we're gonna be fine. And I was like, okay, okay. So we get here. Do you have anything else to add? Okay, so before you got here, I hung up with you to answer another call because before I called you, I called that kid's mom. Right, and you're in the movie theater. Yes. So I had called that kid's mom ahead of time and she wasn't home before I called you. Maybe she can just run across the street and let the dogs out. Right, she wasn't home.

06:50
back and said she got ahold of her kid and he's walking down the driveway and I was like and she goes so I was like what you're walking down the driveway go back up the house is on fire and he goes what are you talking about mom the house isn't on fire and she goes what are you talking about like Jonas's mom just called me and said that you said that house is on fire and like what should

07:20
because I'm like panicking. You know, I'm like panicking. Well, I was too. I'm like, oh my God, I can't get home. Like, I'm 25 minutes away. Yeah, we're like six minutes away, and I'm like, oh my gosh, there's gonna be no house by the time we get there. Right? And then he goes, so I'm like, but I got a picture of a fire in the pot, and it circled twice. And he goes, no, I was sending that to say, everything's fine.

07:45
So two circles means fine. I guess if there's like three or four, that's when you start to like panic. And if you zoom in, you see it's a glare. But I am telling you, it looks like, sucks to be you guys, it's a fire. Right? And Jonas is just sitting there so nonchalantly in the theater going, yeah, it's a small fire, mom. Yeah, so we're flying here and we hit your road and I get, okay, no alarm, no fire.

08:12
Jonas and Kayden overreacted, staying until, they're gonna stay till you guys get there, but he still didn't want to go inside, so if you guys could double check, and you're like, I swear to God, I can't fucking breathe right now. Cause you're like in the movie theater, having a panic attack. I'm having a panic attack in the car. And so then we get here.

08:36
And we do it once over and then of course I call you and I felt bad because you answered the phone again in the movie theater. But I wanted to like to make sure that I was checking I don't know how many candles, you have so much candle shit. I wasn't sure if I was checking all the right locations. So you know I looked at all the pots, everything looked fine. We decided to unplug everything just to be extra safe. Extra safe. And that was my most exciting thing of my week. Your house almost burned down.

09:06
Believe it or not. I was like, I can't believe it. And in the end, then I was yelling at Jonas and like, dude, like you didn't even help. He goes, well, I called my friends. You didn't call your friends. I'm like, your friends live across the street. My friend lives nine minutes away. And I got here and I took care of business. Right? And then he goes, I don't know. It's my fault that you didn't turn your burner off. He says, well, I did turn the burner off. So now it's your fault for being an asshole.

09:35
One point from mama. Yeah, I don't know, I still think it's your fault. Well, I did everything right. You guys need cameras so you can see things. You're right, I do need to have some internal cameras so I can spy on myself. Yeah, why not? That'd be cool. Dude, I could sit in the chair and watch myself sitting in the chair. I don't know if I would want that. Oh, that'd be cool though. All right, well, at any rate, so that's cool that we have the same crazy shit of the week. I also poured hot wax on my hair, but that was less exciting.

10:05
It's a long time to get that out though. I was wondering, how did you get it out? Did you iron it? I was going to, but my hair's already so damaged, I wasn't sure it would survive. Yeah, because that's how we had to get wax out in high school when we did, is it batikking, I think is what it's called, where you use wax and then you use dye and then you have to iron it out. I made a dress. Oh, cool. Yeah. No, I didn't do that. I ended up just using my fingernails and scraping it out. Maybe that's a good fidget. Like, picking wax out of your hair.

10:35
I would probably play with that for hours. Oh yeah, you would. I would, I really would. Because it's like picking a pimple. Like I would just like have to pick at it until it was out of my hair. Yeah. Yeah, so I thought you burned your hair, but now you just dipped it in wax. Yeah, when I even dipped, I just poured it right on over. I leaned over and I just poured the wax and my hair was in the mold and next thing you know. You know, another near death experience. Another one. Yeah, I'm lucky to have survived. I am, I mean, how are we still alive? Like every episode we're like, oh, we don't have any

11:04
It's another near-death experience. I don't know. I think either like a dumb luck or. Hey, you know what? Whatever it is, I'll take it. I know, right? I'll take it. Keep giving us the dumb luck. Oh, gosh. Is that it? Is that all your craziness of the weeks? I mean, isn't that enough? I think so. I think so. I was thinking about this week and crazy divorces. And do you know the movie Downsizing? No.

11:34
So, realizing is a movie where you can shrink. Okay. So, you shrink yourself and then you can have a mansion because your money goes so much farther because you eat less. The idea is like, it's like an idea for like, for retirement. So, you shrink yourself and you go to the shrunken village and then you have like a mansion and you have like the best food and all this stuff because you're tiny. That sounds amazing actually. It's kind of a cool concept. So, we watched this movie as a watch.

12:04
a while ago. And the worst part of the movie was to, and I think, I forget is it, I don't remember who's in it, it doesn't even matter. So the couple in it, who they decide they're gonna shrink for retirement, and he shrinks and she just, she backs out. And then- And you can't undo it? No. You're shrunk forever. Like you literally have to take all the metals out of your teeth and all this other stuff, because if you don't you'll blow up in the shrinking process. Which, do the shrunken people live with other shrunken people? Is there like a whole other? Yes. It's a whole shrunken village.

12:34
Yes, and so she backs out last minute and then they get a divorce and then this beautiful and then she takes half of everything so this whole living in a mansion in shrink world doesn't happen and She you know, she's big and he's small and they can't be together And and he just gets stuck in like shrink world and it's like kind of what happens to him and how he has to now work And he meets somebody else and stuff and blah blah. That doesn't matter. But I thought well that was a fucked up divorce Yeah, I play to be like honey and you wake up after all this and she's

13:04
like yeah I can do it.

13:06
So, I don't know. That's the first thing that popped in my head with crazy divorces. But yeah, I have some interesting ones for this week. But you wanna go first? Sure, and we both have lists this week because we kind of compared notes to see what to do. So mine are all overseas. Yes, do you wanna in tandem or do you just wanna go? Let's go back and forth, let's tag team. Okay, let's tag team. Hey, why not? That sounds like a party. It does sound like a party. So you know what?

13:36
these, I'm sure you did the same. I was kind of like, what would it take for me, having been married for what seems like an eternity, to divorce? Would I divorce over these situations, right? Right. So as I was going through these and reading all of these stories, I mean, I read a ton of divorce stories from lawyers and from Reddit strings. Yeah, there's so many. Oh my God, so many. So this is a compilation and I picked five. Me too! What? Yeah, so our top 10. Our top 10. Beautiful.

14:06
I was reading through these, all of them, I was like, would I divorce over this? And some of them, that's ridiculous. And some of them, absolutely, yes. If you kill a member of my family, that's a no-brainer. So I didn't pick any of those. So what would it take for Laura? What would it take from Laura? So let's see, what would it take for Laura? And you and I compare, and we developed a best case of if we wanted to get divorced, what we would do to make sure that happened. So I think we should tell that story at the end. Okay, okay, yeah, because the whole time this, I was like, well, would I get divorced? Yeah, I thought that the whole way through.

14:36
would I, you know, was this something that I would divorce over? And a lot of mine were a big old fat yes. Yes. And then, if I did these things, would I expect to be divorced? So that's when I started thinking like, oh, maybe I could, if I did this, do you think he'd divorce me over it? Let's see. So anyway, you want me to go first? Yeah. Okay, number one on my list is The Husband Didn't Like Frozen, the movie. What? Yeah, as much as the wife did. So she loved this movie so much,

15:06
I don't think he disliked it. He just didn't love it as much as she did. It's just weird. So she thought that that indicated that something must be fundamentally wrong with him. Since he couldn't understand why the movie was so fabulous, clearly he needed to go. Gone. That's the weirdest thing I ever heard. My husband likes sports. I don't understand why he likes them, but I don't really care if he likes them. You're lucky that he's more open-minded because there might be something fundamentally wrong with you that he's just willing to overlook. That's a no-brainer.

15:36
There's a lot of stuff fundamentally wrong with me that he overlooks on a daily. So yeah, that's a true statement. You know, some guys like crazy. We're not boring. No, that's for sure. All right, cool. So mine is pretty outrage. Oh, is that? Oh yeah, I didn't tell you that was in Japan. In case you cared. Since I mentioned it was overseas. Oh cool, yeah. I don't know where any of mine are from, I don't think. Oh, okay, well we'll say yours are all in the United States. Yeah, that's what we're gonna guess to me. Yeah. You know, because we do that. You know, we like to do that. So we'll do it again. We'll do it again.

16:06
This one was, these are all lawyers, alright? And this lawyer said he felt bad for the wife. He was representing the husband. The husband had OCD and it presented itself and it like, it manifested itself primarily financially. So he made their lives, his wife and children, hell. Hell, absolutely hell, by penny pinching. He was so obsessed, he didn't want to drive the car, so they never got to go anywhere because he didn't want to spend money on wear and tear,

16:36
any of those expensive. He made the whole family get at home haircuts. He never let them eat at restaurants, go to movies. And weirdest of all, he kept a roll of toilet paper with him. And there was no toilet paper in the house except with his roll. And if you had to go to the bathroom at any time, you had to ask him for a piece of toilet paper and he would give you one square. What? Yeah, his wife finally got fed up when one, he gave her bangs at one of their haircuts and she like flipped out on that.

17:06
Which I get it and to the daughter they couldn't potty train because she was so like Upset and and like just weirded out by the fact that she couldn't get toilet paper like they couldn't yeah So yeah crazy Yeah, well, I think it's crazy that it took her multiple kids before she divorced him I don't know if they have multiple or at least one kid. Yeah, it was with them long enough to have a kid, right? Are you could be one square toilet paper one time? I think we're done

17:36
where the people are like cheap. Yeah. Where they have plastic on everything and plastic on the furniture and on the carpet. And like the one guy, like the one that sticks in my head was that he washed his dishes, washed his laundry all in the hot tub. Oh my God. To save money. So they weren't allowed to use the dishwasher. They weren't, everything was in the hot tub. He bathed in the hot tub, washed his clothes in the hot tub because that was always there and that was like the cheapest thing to run in the house. What? Yeah, so that woman left that guy too. I mean, that was crazy.

18:05
He could not live like that. No. Yeah, all because he was like crazy about saving money. Yeah, I mean, I can put up with a lot and I'm all for saving a penny, but not when it comes to my toilet paper. I know, yeah, you do. I'm supposed to catch off the line. You make fun of it. One time, I forget, I bought like one, what was I bought? One black toilet paper. Yeah, and I never lived it down. He came over to our house, we were like, what's wrong with your toilet paper? I was like, it was cheap and I didn't read. And you were like, yes,

18:35
one ply toilet paper lady for a while. Yeah. You guys have nice soft, you know, expansive toilet paper. Expansive toilet paper. Yeah, really cushy on my tuchus. I know. Yeah. I come over here and I'm like, yeah. Mine's bamboo, so. Oh God, yeah. You hate it. I know. I tried to like it, but yeah, so give me a square toilet paper. That's definitely grounds for divorce. Yeah. That's a yes for me. I agree, I agree. All right, you're up. All right, so this one was in China. Okay. So in China,

19:05
and married a beautiful woman. But then he had a baby with her. Okay. And the baby was less beautiful. So she was afraid that she was gonna be accused of being adulterous. Oh. Because the baby was so ugly. Oh my God. So then how ugly could a baby be? I'm thinking pretty ugly. Right? Okay. So then she admitted to having had plastic surgery done.

19:35
$400,000 in plastic surgery which made her so beautiful But she didn't tell the husband that until after the baby was born with her previous looks. Oh, of course Yeah, cuz genetics and genetics. I mean you're a bitch, right? So I have some pictures for you So you can see the before and after Wow

19:54
That's a huge difference. Yeah, I mean that's a nice way of saying it, right? Yeah, but I mean still, it's a baby. Well, so he felt deceived. So he divorced her and then sued her and won. For what? Because she lied to him. Because she had plastic surgery? Yup.

20:14
Oh my, there's a lot of women in the United States that would be going to jail. Right? So. They're resued. And I gotta tell you how he described his own baby. Okay, you ready? I'm ready. Are you ready? I'm not ready, but go for it. Quote, horrifically ugly. Wow. Needless to say, did he not, I'm assuming he didn't have much of a relationship with his baby later.

20:39
I'm sorry, I'm still, you know, like everybody says the wrong baby. I don't, but like everybody kind of pretends, like oh no, the baby's cute. Like you don't say your own baby. Was it a girl baby? Yeah. Okay, so if it was a boy it might have been okay. Maybe. You know, boys can be ugly. Horrifically ugly. Oh my god, that's terrible. So I don't think that I would divorce over that. That's one where I'm like, that's hilarious. Yeah, I know. I don't think that'd be a deal breaker for me. No, me either. But, you know, anyway. I mean, that's the baby's problem to deal with, right? I still have the hot wife.

21:09
Yeah, exactly. What do you care? Right? The baby gets its own plastic surgery. Yeah, later. It's fine. We'll just make sure we start instead of a college fund. Plastic surgery, fine. At least you know what it's up against when it's born. Right. And who knows what, you know, there's... Who knows what kind of plastic surgery and what kind of amazing medicines in the future. It could be like so simple and cheap. I'm saying. And look how beautiful the mom turned out. So the baby's got potential for sure. Yeah, he's ridiculous.

21:39
bit. At least try the plastic surgery first. See how that goes before you divorce her. The kid could be beautiful. You could be really missing out. I agree. I agree. Okay. You ready? Okay. So this one is not really a, this is just what they wanted to do. It's not like something that, you know, you need to decide on. Okay. So these, this was two couples and they were friends for 15 years. Okay. Husband A decided he liked couple A and B. Okay. Husband

22:09
wife A decided she liked husband B more than husband A and the reverse was also true. So they met with the lawyer, they all got divorced, they had similar assets, similar houses. It was a quickie divorce. They all swapped and then remarried their other significant and then they lived happily ever after or you know, whenever this was they all you know, they got happier. That's insane. Right? I mean things do work out.

22:39
I mean, that's just meant to be. Right? I mean, I'm sorry, that was like the universe pulling these couples together and saying, you got it wrong, but you were close. I'm gonna help you. Maybe they just, they're all kindred souls, but they were just with the wrong ones. Who knows? I don't know. I'm sure they're not friends anymore though. I wonder, I wonder. I wonder. Maybe. I doubt it. That'd be interesting. Yeah. I don't think, well. I think they live near each other too.

23:09
friends. Yeah. Well, anyway, my turn? Yes. Okay. So this one happened in Russia. Okay. So this guy was playing poker and he had kept betting and he kept losing but he was like this is my time, right? So he ended up betting away all of his money, all of his life savings and all he had left was his wife. So he bet her because, oh boy, you know, you can apparently do that there. Sure.

23:39
lost. Of course he did. Of course he knew where this was going. Right? So then the guy he lost to showed up at their house to collect his quote winnings. The wife got pissed. You think? Yeah because I'm sorry I'm not your property to bed away. Divorced the husband because fuck you. And then started a relationship and ended up marrying the guy that won her because at least he cared enough to win her you know.

24:05
I'm speechless right now. I know. She ended up with the guy who won her in a bet. Yeah. Like, what? Right by choice. Well, I mean, again, like, I mean, it's just meant to be. I mean, I was thinking about that. I'm like, OK, if some random guy showed up at my house and was like, hi, I won you in a bet, and damn, you're hot. I'm so excited to start our lives together. And I was like, what are you talking about? And got the story. I'd be like, you know what? Fuck you. Let's see where this goes.

24:35
Fuck you husband. Let's see where this goes new guy. Sorry. I was pointing but you can't see that Yeah, so I would definitely divorce over that. Oh, yeah, and it would I don't know if I would go with the new guy or not It would really depend on you know, a lot of things. Oh for sure. So his personality a lot of things I'm saying I wouldn't rule it out money Yeah, the first one's over the second is gonna be for money. Yeah, right Yeah, I only gonna marry for love once right I learned my lesson

25:04
You live and you learn. Oh my god. We're going to hell. OK, so are you ready for my next one? Dude, I'm always ready. That's your slogan. Yeah.

25:16
Oh my god, I'm gonna put that on your gravestone. I'm always ready. Okay, I think you should. So the next one, I'm always trying to figure out people's gravestones too. All right, so this couple was fighting and fighting and fighting, and they decided to get a divorce, all right? So this was just a crazy divorce story. And the two things they were fighting over was a pistol and the man's grandmother's bowls. And they even went on and on, and the lawyer's like, oh my gosh, these must be the most expensive

25:46
China bowls ever they finally brought the items in they were fucking Tupperware what yeah Yeah, they like the lawyers just like you've got to be kidding me So I would you know this was not a case of what I get divorced, but if I was getting divorced I wouldn't care about my Tupperware

26:16
of a Rubbermaid is what I have. Right, I can't think, I can't imagine a lot of stuff I would really, unless it was already really important to me. Yeah, I'm really into, like, I always think of like, if my house is on fire, what would I grab? And that would be pictures, you know, my pet. Yeah. And that's about it. Maybe my favorite pair of shoes, maybe, you know, that's my favorite pair of jeans. Yeah, oh yeah. My children.

26:45
Hopefully they're running out on their own. They're not babies. So yeah, let's hope yeah, so I don't know not too much pictures I really you know, they're not replaceable. No Stuff on your phone just take pictures of when you've got them on my phone Yeah, but we have a lot of albums from know I'm saying you like take pictures of those then you have to worry about it later Oh, it's a part. We should do that sometime. Mm-hmm. All right, cool. Yeah, very smart. All right my turn. Yes, okay So this one is another one from China So this guy I don't know

27:15
how long these two were together. But when they got engaged, she was 24, or so he thought. Oh. Dun dun dun. They got married, but after they were married for 10 years, he discovered that she had actually been 30 when they got engaged. Oh. So a six year difference. Yeah. So one would think that after 10 years together, you just, that would seem like a little thing, but apparently that was such a big deal. He couldn't get over the lie and they divorced over it. Wow.

27:44
Yeah. Wow, if only, if lies were, you know, people would be getting like, you know, people tell lies, get over it. I mean, I think I would be, I would definitely be pissed if you lied to me for- I'd be annoyed as hell, yeah. You lied to me for 10 years about anything. Yeah. But, I mean, age is not something I really care about. I'd be pissed that you lied to me for 10 years. Yeah. But, yeah. I don't really care how old you are. No, I don't care about that either. But yeah, it does suck that, you know what I mean, almost like maybe they needed a reason to get divorced and that was it, because-

28:14
I can just tell the person they're an asshole. Right. Who cares? I don't know. Yeah, no, I wouldn't get divorced over that. No, I don't think so. My husband looks so much older than me anyway. Or at least he used to. Now he looks all young and sexy, and I was always the, everyone always thought he was robbing the cradle, and now it's like, oh yeah, you guys are married. Asshole. I don't like how men age better than women. No. It's not right. It's not fair. No. All right, you ready for my next one? Yeah, but in our defense, we're hotter to start with. Yeah, I mean, it was like,

28:44
are just getting even for me. We were tipping though. So alright so this one I shit you not it was a couple that was married for two years they broke it off because the husband would not stop feeding the dog and the dog got outrageously fat and apparently she thought it was gonna be a connection with their future children and she didn't want fat kids. Wow. So she divorced

29:14
I would not, I have a fat dog. I would not divorce my husband over, you know, our fat dog. He's got his fur cut, he's got a little belly. Wow. Right, isn't that crazy? I'm just thinking the whole thought process is a little bit off. Yeah, yeah, it is a little bit off for me. It's like, well maybe then don't have kids, or if you really want kids, just like, set some ground rules, like. Yeah, I mean, I overfeed my animals. I mean, I've never feed my kids. But your kid is fine, exactly. He's like an athlete, it's not the same thing.

29:44
My last one took place in Israel. Okay, so this one is a couple that was married and the woman Decided that she was gonna adopt kittens. Okay, and apparently She adopted 550 of them at once. How? I was trying to figure out how you can even do that Where was this? This was definitely not the United States. No, it was Israel So I guess it's easier to do

30:13
So I was like, I guess he was okay with it at first. And then he said that they started to be everywhere he was gonna be. And I feel him, because I've got four cats and four dogs, and I feel like there's always an animal under my feet. There is not a house big enough for that many cats. There's not, right? You would have to be in like, I don't know, the World Trade Center or some kind of mall, or like there's just no way. I feel the same way. I have no idea how they did it.

30:43
He said he was fine with it at first and they all got along really well, all the cats and all the animals and everything. Were there other animals? Well, I mean all of his family. The people and all the animals. All the cats and all the people. Gosh, all got along. Okay. And he said the extended family was extremely happy. But then as time went by, he realized the cats were starting to get in the way. Believe it or not. I don't think it would take much time for me to get there. Right?

31:13
This is a no-brainer divorce for me because I'm allergic to cats. I would die. I mean, can you even imagine the number of litter boxes? They say food. Two litter boxes for every cat. Hair. Right, so he said they crowded the kitchen, the bathroom, and every other room in between. You think? Yeah. I mean, I don't care if you're in a mansion. There is not enough room for 500 cats. No. I know. Jesus. So, I mean, okay, so our first house. Yes.

31:43
story. Two houses down from us, I mean we lived in a little small ranch house, it was like 800 square feet, so the house down the street from us was about the same size. And so we went and delivered some mail that we'd gotten by mistake, we were like, oh this house kind of has a funky smell to it, really ammonia like, whatever, just stay away. Well a couple years later we found out while we were still living there that they had 75 cats living there. And they were all feral, because that's a lot of cats.

32:13
Yeah, and the smell from outside was strong so I cannot imagine what the smell of 550 cats would be like Absolutely not. I remember my husband when I first met him he the roommate he lived with had Two cats in an apartment, but he didn't clean up after his cats So my husband was constantly having to clean up there after the cats and then the cats would get in my husband's Closet he had to put a lock on it because they would pee on his clothes and they were just just nasty like like messy nasty cats

32:43
Yeah, and not not Liter trained I guess which I didn't know that I thought they all were you know Anyway, you could we would hit like two flights down walking up the flight of stairs to his apartment And you could smell cats and that was two cats maybe three. I can't remember now It's been like 20 years or whatever, but I just I can't I can't deal with that smell now imagine multiplying that by 260 I know you're right no

33:13
You know and I can't imagine keeping up with that It's insane 275 that I mean mate like if you had a farm and they were like you had like 500 acres and they were all outside Cats. Mm-hmm. Like I just I don't know. I don't know how any of this works. So anyway, so so what happened? I guess so then he went to confront his wife about the problem and in the middle of that conversation He looked over and saw one of the cats eating food off of dining room table. So at that point he lost his shit

33:43
get up divorced. I can't believe there was only one eating food off the dining room table. I mean, that's what the article says, but at that point in time, I guess. I mean, if you've got 550, isn't there always one eating something somewhere? Yes. Each other, if one of them dies, I mean, like if you die, they're gonna eat you. I can't even. No one will ever find you with that many cats. I mean, it's Israel, so maybe they have more land than we do in the United States, but still, if there are ever 550 cats, it's 550 cats. Yeah, that's insane. It's a lot of cats. Lord.

34:13
I think my brain can't comprehend that many of any animal. I wonder what ever happened to this lady. Yeah, I don't know. Living with her cat ass. That is like, there's no cat lady that is bigger than this cat lady, right? I know, it's a lot of cats. Wow. All right, so this is the one that messed me up the most. You ready? I'm ready. Woman horrified after finding husband being breastfed by his mother on their wedding.

34:43
day.

34:45
I could puke. I was like, oh yeah. So I guess she was looking for him at the reception. They're married. And she went into the bathroom and she was horrified. And people were like, what? Did you see him cheating? What was going on? No, he was getting breastfed by his mother. The article makes fun. They're like, talk about mama's boys. Dude. Yes. That's worse than cheating. She didn't even know what to do. She was just completely shocked.

35:15
It's all over TikTok. You can find it. Oh my god. Because she went out there and put it out there. I just can't even imagine. So that means this man, because his mom wouldn't have milk if they weren't always doing that. No, I know. That's where my brain just went. How long do you, you must have been doing that his whole life to keep that felt flowing. Yes, so could you imagine our kids are 15 and they're like, hey mom. No. I need a drink.

35:45
No, no, no, no. I was, I have all four, you know, I nursed both of my boys. I'm all for nursing. I can't, I don't know what I would, what would you do? No, no. No.

35:57
So that messed me up. I was like, I don't know how much I love my husband. I don't think that I'd ever want to see him sucking on his mom's teeth. Not even close. I don't love him even close enough to that. So that was absolutely... I'm thinking about divorcing him, just thinking about him doing that. Right? I mean... I was so fucked up. He had a good run, this might be it. That's really disturbing. Yeah, I guess because he was trying to get his wife, the article went on to say he was trying to get...

36:34
Yeah. So yeah, cool. Cool beans. Yeah, so that's all I got. Wow. Yeah. So interesting. Interesting. So it was funny. You and I were talking about how amazing we are as wives. Oh, and we were pretty stellar. And how we've both been married with our husbands, respectively, both each 20 plus years.

37:04
more you know I think you were with Sean a little bit longer than I've been with Stuart but you know I think our 20th anniversary is coming up here next month this month this month I forgot it's already March. Congratulations by the way. Yeah thanks. So um you know I thought well there's not much you know. I mean what would we have to do for them to divorce us? We have to be pretty bad. Right. I think we could get away with a lot. Yeah and so we were brainstorming. Yeah as one does.

37:34
Just because you have to have that in your back pocket. And we came up with what we believe is a surefire way to get our husbands to divorce us. And still come out looking not too bad. Well, I don't know about that. We look like assholes, kinda. Well, now that we're putting it out there, it's preempted. Now we're gonna look like assholes. I've hit it just occurred naturally. We'll come up with something else. I just wanted to share this because I think, you know what, someone out there could use this. Sure. Right. So, have you ever heard of... The clonowee-ly. Or clonowee-ney. I think it's clonowee-ney.

38:03
Okay, I know our husbands talk about, I forget what it's called. Yeah, they saw it somewhere, and I guess you can do like a mold of your penis. Basically, it's like those ones that you can do with your hand that you can buy anywhere, but this is marketed for your penis. So they're very excited about it. I believe you can make a vibrator out of your husband's penis. Yes, that's the extra step. Yes, and I guess that, you know, it makes it, you know, sort of for men who are a little insecure about, you know, size, girth of vibrators, if it's a clone of your weenie, then I guess it's okay.

38:33
It makes it all okay. I guess to bring that in the bedroom. You don't have to be, you know, you don't have to feel weird about it. Right. Just let it in, let it in. Yeah, I guess that's the thing. I mean, I'm not so concerned with this feeling when it comes in that department, but I guess some people are. No. So, our idea, hypothetically, was, you know, both of our husbands' birthdays are in December. So you all can weigh in on this. So we thought we would buy them both a clonowini for their birthdays. Right.

39:03
can clone their weenies. We're very happy. Yeah, and it'll be so much fun. Maybe even two. And then we'll take those as they give them back to us. Because it's kind of like the gift that, it's like a side title gift. You get it back. Right, obviously. Obviously. They're not going to use it. Unless they do, then we'll get two. I mean, it's fine if they want to use it. So we'll take that, and then we'll turn it into a silicone mold. And then we will make resin casting out of it. And maybe even something.

39:33
heavier than that. And then we will, we can compare our husband's penises. Ha ha ha.

39:40
And then we can put them up on the fireplace mantle. Add hooks on them to hang the stockings at Christmas time. You can hang them? I mean, we use them as decorations all through the house. And then I'm going to put them on my Etsy store with Sean's penis and Stewart's penis. And we're going to sell them. And anybody who wants to can buy a clone of mine or Laura's husband's penises. For a small fee. What do you think? Just the cost of materials. You think you might divorce us if we do that? I'm trying to.

40:09
for the family? I think it's possible. I don't know. I don't know, maybe, you know, I think, here's my guess. Yeah. Whose Everest penis is smaller, that's the couple that's getting divorced. I think you're right. I think the other one will be like, yeah, yeah. We could sell them as a couple too, as a pair. Yes, yes. You know what, we'll put hooks on both of them. We'll call it a handful and a little less than a handful.

40:36
So yeah, I think that might end our marriages. I mean, that's the best we could come up with anyway. Yeah, I don't know. It was just, you know, I'm sure we can come up with more, but. We'll keep working. I mean, this was just, you know. Yeah, this is just our first draft. Yeah. But that's pretty good. We can do better. So until then. Later. Later.