Episode 18: So much pun! (the birth episode)

This week's topic: Crazy birth stories

Cori and Laura discuss everything from steaming crotches to badass moms while sharing some crazy birth stories. They also reveal how to get the best sleep of your life (hint: it involves epidurals). Cori gets emotional, but Laura rewards her for her strength. Listen in and share your crazy birth stories.

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Transcript

ep 18 So much pun (the birth episode)

[00:00:00] Hello. All my crazy friends. You're listening to My Crazy Friend, and this is Corey. And this is Laura, and this is the podcast where we talk about the craziest shit we can think of. Yes. Or find or read or yeah. What's going on in our lives, which, which is, you know, you would not think as much as it does, but it does.

Totally. We live very crazy. I don't think we do. I think it just finds us the crazy, finds us. I feel like we're pretty chill. I think so. Whatever. Anyway, this week's topic is going to be crazy births. Yes. But before we get into that crazy shit of the week, shit of the week. So yeah. What was your crazy shit of the week?

My friend Laura. Well, so much crazy shit happened to me this week. Well, not happened to me, but I participated in, you know, we had a work trip, we had some in-office meeting. We had some. Hey, you got all dressed up this week. I did get all dressed up this week. You looks so pretty. Thank [00:01:00] you. Oh, dare I say it.

You look pretty hot. Thank you. I was going for stunning, but not rapey. You know what? Nailed it. Thank you. You were stunning. Yet I didn't wanna rape you. Thank you. So, of course. Never wanna rape anything, but for anyone out there who is looking, you know what? I think you were safe. You know what? I don't think anybody was safe.

I don't think it's what you wear, Laura. Just saying it.

It's hilarious. Anyway, my crazy shit of the week is what led up to getting going to that event. How many dresses did you go through? Yeah, so I've had three dresses. There was more than three. I I, you talked about more than. All right. I have other dresses. Okay. I bought three specifically for this event.

Okay, good, good, good. Are any of them getting returned? No. Well, no. Cause I took the tax off. You're so dumb. Okay. I was gonna, so I bought two. Mm-hmm. Like a long, like emerald green one, like it was a black tie event. Facebook, Facebook, marketplace, the rest, all these things I could, but I think I'm gonna [00:02:00] lose a lot of money on.

Oh, I don't even wanna know. He, but okay. Yeah, don't worry about it. So I bought like a nice long emerald green one, and I thought that would offset my red hair. Right? Yeah, it looked nice. And then I also bought a long black one. Yeah. So I wanted to wear the green one. So I got dressed in the green one, and then at the last day I'm like, I'm just gonna see what the black one looks like.

And I put the black one on. I'm like, oh, this looks a little bit better. Damn it. But anyway, that's not my crazy shit. I was trying to figure out how I'm gonna, because there was a totally different dress on your island in your kitchen when I came over the other day. Oh yeah. That one didn't even make. It. I left that one at home.

I liked that one. Yeah, you looked like a sparkly fairy princess in that one. Thank you. All right. Anyway, so I didn't know how I was gonna do my hair and makeup, so I was spending like, cuz I don't know how to do either one. You're good at shut up. I, I bought stencils to do my eyeliner. Stop it. I did, I put 'em on and then I stencil them.

They were, I saw them. It looked good. Yeah. It was, I was proud. Yeah. Pretty impressed with my skills. Sure, sure, sure, sure. And then for my. I was gonna curl it. Then I forgot to take hairspray so it all fell out. So whatever. But the point was I was trying to find all this stuff at home. So I'm looking under my sink, trying to [00:03:00] find like where, where's my makeup?

Where's my hair? Like my hairspraying curl. We've been working from home, so none of this stuff is getting used anymore. Nope. So I went in, when's the last time you wore heels? Um, Thursday before that, right? Uh, 1, 2, 3, 4 years ago. Yeah. Were you still able to walk? Uh, yeah. Well, I took some that like tie on it, you know, strap on at the ankle because I just wanna say when I put heels on now, it's, it's not easy.

No. Well, yeah. The ones that don't like to feel it strap in. Yeah. Like they're open in the toe, but if they don't strap it in the, in the ankle and your feet kind of slide down. Yeah. That hurts. So I like the ones that keep my feet back. Yep, yep. I gotcha. I gotcha. Yeah. I like the ones that aren't. Yeah, like lower heels to the ground now is where I go.

Yeah. Like the little kitten heels. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't wear St. Stiletto and not fall on my face if you paid me. Oh, well these were stiletto, but they're necessary cuz the dressed was long. We're gonna have to put our highest shoes on and then try to walk and see what happens. Okay. All right. Yeah, let's do that.

Yeah, that'll be, we'll, we'll throw that on TikTok. Okay. Everyone wants to see that. We'll do [00:04:00] pretty girls walk like this. Okay. We'll do in our heels and you'll see who walks better. Well, you're gonna win. I know. I'm excited. That's why I agreed to do it. You're such an asshole. I haven't worn heels since probably.

I don't know what, when I worked at the bank 10 years ago, 15 years ago. Oh wow. So you can wear some of mine. No, I can't. Yours are higher than ones I've ever earned. I've ever earned, I've ever owned, and they're like two sizes bigger, so I will definitely win. Yeah, yeah. I'm not wearing your shoes, but yeah.

Anyway, I'm sorry. We digress. No, it's good. So I was under my sink looking for all my stuff. So I found stuff and I got it out and I put it behind me and I was, yes. Then I got, you know, I was thinking, oh, I'm gonna go take a shower now. So, Ready for shower, but I thought when I get out, I'm going to anyway.

So I'm getting up and I stood up real fast. Yeah. But I wasn't quite out from underneath the sink yet. Whoa. So I knocked myself out on the shut up. I could feel it down my neck. You hit your head so hard you passed out. Like I fell over onto the ground behind me and [00:05:00] I like, I don't know if I like went out, but I, it wouldn't black.

I'm laying on, my eyes are shut. I'm like, shit, I can't bump. Can you feel a bump? Uh, I felt like a little indent. Oh boy. I don't. No, that's not normal. No. And then my neck hurt from it, like owed my head into my neck. Oh my gosh. And I'm laying there on my bathroom floor with my head right up against the litter box.

I'm like, this is gonna suck right down here. Oh my God. And then a couple minutes went by, I'm like, oh, okay. I'm okay. And I got up. I'm like, but that would've really sucked another in your death experience. Right. So I thought of all the stuff that happened. That's the one I needed to share with you. Oh my gosh.

I almost died again. Are you okay? Oh my goodness. Like what do people do? Whiplash or whatever? Like what do you like? You know that brace? Do Imagine you all dressed up in your black tie event with a bedazzle. Put some bows on it. I think, I think if we could Photoshop that in to the pictures, I think that has to [00:06:00] happen.

And you guys, you can Photoshop, right? Oh yeah. You know some Photoshops. Oh yeah. I think you need a neck brace in one of those pictures. Perfect. That is so funny. You looked really nice though. Well, thank you. I almost, I'm glad you're okay too. You think maybe you should wanna get, had a concussion? I don't know.

Maybe in hindsight. I'm laying there on the floor without clothes on with my head, like right up against the litter box, the shower's running, and I'm like, I am gonna die here. I think your husband might've like actually got in trouble, like for foul play, I think. I think he probably would've ruined everyone's life, like Sean would've went to jail.

Mm-hmm. Because you're laying naked in the bathroom. With a, with a blunt force trauma to your head. And I tell anybody who will listen if I ever die under some mysterious circumstances, the husband always did it. I know, I know. I have that written in my book. I know. And I tell him too. I'm like, you better be extra nice to me.

The shit I do, I could die under mysterious. You're going to jail. It's not even his fault. No, but he's definitely going to jail when I die. Oh my God. No. No. Two ways backwards. And it's gonna be really hard to keep you alive. I know, because you're so [00:07:00] damn klutzy. I know. Oh my God. It's gonna be really hard to keep him outta jail afterwards.

Oh my God. That's so funny. Oh, oh my gosh. So that was my crazy shit of the week. How are you? I'm good. My crazy, my, my, uh, craziest shit for me this week and I'm, I'm feeling like super sentimental. Mm-hmm. Is that my baby turned 13. Mm-hmm. So we, yeah. That's a hard one. It is because I have no more school-aged babies and I have only teenagers in my home.

So I, I read this quote and it was from a Netflix movie, the other, other hood. I don't know the other hood. Yes. I've never heard of it. Well, you said it better than I, so good job. I was just trying to repeat what you said. Make sure I heard what you said, right. I think that's right. That's what I wrote down.

Anyway, it says being the mother of a son is like someone breaking up with you really slowly. Yeah, and I thought about it and I'm like, oh my God. Like their whole lives, you know, they're babies [00:08:00] and they need you, and suddenly they're toddlers and they're like in your life and it's like a tornado and you know, everything's crazy.

And before you can even miss. That little person. Now suddenly they're adolescents and they have friends and little personalities and, and it's amazing to watch them grow. And you don't realize like all these little people that all call you mama, who are all different people, but they're all the same person, and you never get to see those little ones again.

You don't get to see the babies again, and you don't get to. You know, except for like maybe a video that you see or a picture and you're like, oh my God, I'm, that's my little baby. And, and then, and then suddenly they're teenagers and then you can't even go back to it and they need you less and less. And, and then they, wait, can I pause you?

Are you starting to make yourself cry? Just let me get through this. Okay. So they need do less and less until they, they. Like they don't need you at home and they're adults and I'm so close to that. [00:09:00] Lauren, I can't really, you can I cry. I'm crying. Hold anyway. Hold on a second. No, it's fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Just, no, hold on. I'm just having one of those weeks where I just don't want my babies to not be babies anymore. I'm really sorry. It's okay. I'm sorry. Are you okay? I'm fine. I just. I cannot believe. Are you gonna be able to make it through this one? Uh, well, that's the problem. Like this whole talking about births and then my son's birthday, and then suddenly now I'm like, oh my God, my babies like 13.

Like I, I don't, you know, it was hard enough to not have to go into the school anymore and the fact that, you know, I don't know. Anyway, so it's been an emotional week for you? Yes. Between our subject of crazy births. Your youngest. I'm sorry. It doesn't take me much to cry. No, I, I am well aware of that. So, um, you know, home a good Hallmark [00:10:00] commercial used to make Oh, cry for cards.

Uh, the, the Eaton Park commercial with the little Christmas tree. I have trouble with that. I cannot go get through. Dumbo. Um, that one's a really tough one for me. Oh. Cause it's the little boy in her arms and it's like they, oh my God. Okay. Anyway, so, um, this would be a challenge for us. You know, I, uh, I'll be fine.

The rest I picked, so, so the point was I picked really funny ones. Mm. Specifically because I needed them to be funny because I needed to laugh. And sometimes you need to laugh, and that's why you're my friend. So anyway, that's all I got. I just, uh, cannot believe that I am, uh, no longer the mom of a baby or a toddler, or an adolescent, or I, I, I just have teens, teens that are gonna leave me.

Sorry. And go. Somewhere else without me. So, yeah. So you're great. Let's kill Corey. Yeah. Back again. And [00:11:00] uh, um, yeah, so I'm pull my shit together and let's talk about, uh, our crazy birds. Crazy, uh, crazy births. Um, so, uh, you want me to go first? Yes, I do. Let me get my shit together. You go first. Okay. I'm really proud of you for making it through that.

Thank you. I, I saw those tears welling up in your eyes. Yeah, I think you pausing helped. Thanks. Good. Well, I have a little something. I was gonna give it to you. I've been saving this until like you earned it. What does that mean? Well, you'll see it's a gift I got for you. Close your eyes. Open your hands.

Now read it. It's a little pin, it's a ribbon. Only cried a little. Yay. This is why you stopped me. Yeah. Because it wasn't going to be a little that I couldn't have got my presents. No, you have to earn it. Only cry. Yeah. Corey's a crier. Mm-hmm. So I saw this. It's a little left of post-it. It's a little ribbon pin.

Yeah. That you can wear proudly. Put it on right now. That you only cried a little today. Aw, you know what? The day is still young, my friends. Well, I know. That's why I was [00:12:00] gonna save it until the end. I thought you might not earn it by then. I what? As far as you're concerned, I will have earned it if I cry when you're not around.

It's like I didn't happen. That's true. It didn't happen. Yeah. That likes true if the tree falls in the forest Looks beautiful though. Yeah. And it does. And it says Yay. Yay. Why a y? Gay Super. So anyway. Uh, so I wanted to tell you just a couple the quick stories. Couple quick stories. Okay. So the first one is, um, a story about a badass mama named Latanya Bowman.

Okay. So she's in Michigan. All right, Ms. Bowman? Yes. So she was pregnant and, uh, the father of the baby apparently decided at some point that he didn't wanna have. So they split up. Okay. And were doing their own thing. The dad got another woman pregnant. Ugh. And I suppose, right, I suppose at this point he's like, I really don't want this baby.

But he told, uh, Latonya, let's get together and let's, uh, But patch things up. So she went over to [00:13:00] his house, they went to a movie, and the next thing she knew and she got back into the car. She was blindfolded and kidnapped. What? Yeah. And then doused in gasoline, set on fire. Oh my God. Kicked out of the vehicle and shot.

Holy shit. Yeah. And then, holy shit. Yeah. And so she played dead on the ground. She got shot in the should by the, by the boyfriend Uhhuh. So it turns. The boyfriend and one of his friends. Oh my God. Cause they wanted to terminate the pregnancy. Well, either there's other ways to do that or just, uh, leave her alone.

Wow. But yeah, no, I'm not suggesting that. I'm just saying, yeah. This is a little extreme. Right? Yeah. Like, you know, I've heard of people pushing people down the stairs and shit. You're gonna doubt someone on fire. Right. And kidnap like whatever. What in the world? Absolutely. Was she, was she okay, so she played dead.

And then they left her and she was able to get herself to a phone [00:14:00] call. I don't, she played dead while she was on fire. On fire. So they would leave. Yeah. Then she was able to put herself out, got a phone called, I don't know if she called, her mom, called ambulance. Anyway, she got to a hospital and she had burns and blisters all over her body, but she survived, gave birth to the baby three days later and they expected the mom to make a full recovery.

And then the boys that did this got life in prison. Wow. Right. She's pretty badass, right? I mean, could you imagine telling like that story as like, oh yeah, my dad's in jail, right? Oh really? What happened? You know? You know, was it drugs? Did he get in the wrong crowd? You know, no attempt. Tried to attempted murder in my mother.

Yeah. Turns out he really didn't want me to the point where he tried to kill my mom, and so I was on fire. Pretty brutally. Yeah, too brutally. Wow. Yeah. Shit. Right? That is crazy. I thought crazy. Mm. She's pretty. Yeah. Like the things people do for their kids. Right. And that woman's badass. That's a badass mom.

Right? I thought so too. Yeah. [00:15:00] So, um, then the next story I wanted to tell you was a story about, do you know what postmortem fetal extrusions are? No. It sounds really awful though. It's a really technical term for coffin birth. What, so that's if a pregnant woman dies. Yeah. And then after she dies, this was like, you know, after they were buried before like an olden times since coffin birth, uh, that the baby would be born postmortem.

So also not the fetus isn't viable. It's not like a living baby, but it's pushed out vaginally after the mom's. Oh no. So kind of like, you know, when they say you get like really bad, like you fart mm-hmm. And you die, things like that. Yep. It's gas build up that, that pushes it out. The baby that was in there.

Yeah. Oh my God. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. How do they, they, if they're, if they're in the coffin and buried, how do they know this even happened? Well, some of them they found from like, digging up and like [00:16:00] looking up other like, oh, like other, uh, criminal activity. They were like, oh, well this happened. Let's dig it up.

And they. So I'm sure there's some that they haven't even found, but I'm gonna tell you just a handful of stories. So back in 1551, the first case was found, and this was, um, someone who had been, uh, they had a, she had a hole in her head, so they dug her back up to try and figure out why she had a hole in her head.

Okay? And then they found the baby. So they think it was like a phlebotomy or trying to relieve pressure post cranial pressure from being pregnant. But anyway, that's not the point. Yeah, they, they, the whole phlebotomy thing blows my minds. Like, pun not intended, but I, it's like, doesn't make any sense why you would think that putting like holes in brain, but whatever.

That's fine. It's just, and yeah, and it's like a perfectly round hole. Like why would you do, I don't know. So. Right. Uh, so then when the embalming procedure sucked, like I said, or started, like I said, it was, um, a buildup of gas. So the gases would build up and then push the babies out. Obviously, the farther along a woman was, the bigger the fetus, the more likely it would be pushed out.

But there were some cases of even like [00:17:00] tiny fetus sure as being pushed out just from a buildup of gas. So they figure, or when the embalming started back in like the what? 18 hundreds? 19 hundreds? I don't know whenever that was. Probably like 1950. I dunno. Sure. Whatever. Yeah. So that pretty much stopped it cuz the gas buildup stopped and the bloating stopped.

But there are a handful of more recent cases. Um, so in 2005, a 30 year old woman, uh, who is eight months, OD'ed, and she wasn't found in her apartment for a while, so by the time she was found, the baby's head and arms had been pushed out of her body. Oh. So yeah. So they were all bluish and discolored, so, oh, that's messed up.

Yeah. Yeah. And then in 2008, there's a, this is like a horror movie. I, right. Like, like this would be part of a horror movie. It's not Lord. Okay. Then in 2008, there's a 38 year old woman who is seven months pregnant. So she was found in an open field. So that was a [00:18:00] homicide. Uh, and they investigated that. And I don't know the co that would've been a whole cool story, but the point of my story is they found the fetus in her underwear when they went and did the autopsy.

Um, so then in 2019, I'm glad I already ate my breakfast. I know. You're welcome. Ugh, there is Watts. Family homicides. So Shannon Watts was 15 months. And her fetus was expelled in her grave. They found out later. That's crazy. So you're right, cra, those are some crazy births. Like do you go and edit the gravestone then?

I don't know. And And baby. And their baby maybe. Oh, I think you should. I don't. Yeah. Well, I don't know. Cause if it was in there, you, they should have already known the baby was in the belly already buried there. Right? I don't know. Like, yeah, I don't know. Do they? I don't know. I don't know. You would think if there was an autopsy maybe there.

Maybe sometimes you don't do autopsies, I guess. I don't know. I don't know how this stuff works. All I know is this is fucked up. I know, Lord, I, I know I was [00:19:00] reading a lot of crazy birth stories and then I found this and I'm like, well, this is fucking crazy. They're not really births, but they are. It's in the name coffin, birth, whatever.

So it's in the name. It's in the name. It counts. It's better than what I did the other week. So yeah, it works, it, it, it counts. Uh, so since that was kind of, those were kind of, I wanted to take you out on just some world record baby stats. Sweet. Sweet. So do you know what the heaviest baby was? Guess okay.

Yes. Uh, 200 pounds, 200 pound baby I was watching. It was a donut. There's some kinda bird that like that lays an egg. That's the size. It'd be like you having a full. You're right. Okay. Lemme Cuban baby me. I was trying to make sure that you didn't, it wasn't more than my gas. No. So it's just one.

Okay. So let me, let me try again. Sure. 30 pounds closer. 22. Oh, [00:20:00] okay. Do you know how, how big was your, were your kids when they were born? Um, Uh, seven pounds and five. Benny was preemie, so he was under five pounds. Four, nine. Okay. But seven two ounces was Max. Okay. Yeah. Jonas was seven pounds, 15 ounces. He was big.

Yeah. Not too big though. Like you have like nine and 10 pound babies, so, or 20 twos. Oh, it's like almost three of him. Yeah. Benny was tiny, itty bitty. Wow. Wow. How, how'd they get it out Was a C-section. Yeah. C-section had. Okay. Um, then the longest baby get, uh, so Jonas was 21 inches. Okay. 19 and, and 20 I think for me.

Yeah. Yeah. So what, what do you think the longest one is? 27 inches. 28 close. Oh, I'm so good. That's a long baby. That is a long baby. Okay. Uh, most babies born at one time. Uh, I think I know this now, is this naturally or is this cuz it's different? Uh, just in, just in general. In general. Is it, um, [00:21:00] Yeah, you should notice.

Yeah. Yep. Because the Octo mom. Yep. I dressed like her for Halloween one year. I know you did. I did. I just put wax lips in, which is bad, but it looks like her. I put a black wig on and I just bought a bunch of baby dolls from the dollar store and I, I had one of those, you know those wraps we used to have?

Yeah, those slings, the baby slings. Yeah. Well, it was like a, it was like a big deal. Yeah. Yeah. So I wrapped them. All eight of them in my bosom. I dunno why I said that. Bosom and I walked around. It was a great costume. Yeah, I remember. And then, and then um, and then Stu was the Opto doc. Yeah. So he wore a doctor's outfit with crazy hair and like a big Turkey baster because I think she was artificially, I don't know, very inappropriate.

But it was a great costume nonetheless. Yeah, it was good. It was fun. I remember that one. So let me clear my throat. Uh, sorry. So cutting smallest now. Is it going? Sorry. It's going, uh, smallest baby. Uh, one pound, nine ounces, 7.5 ounces. Wow. [00:22:00] That is the size of an apple of the baby that actually survived.

Yeah. Yes. One that survived. Wow. Right. That was in Singapore. Crazy. Right. That's tiny. Yeah. And that baby was 25 weeks. So, one more for you. The last one is, I want you to guess the most babies a woman ever had. You mean like those children? Sorry. Like I said that weird. The mom, who is the woman who has had the most children, it's gotta be a lot because they, that one woman on TV had 2019.

Mm-hmm. So I'm gonna say 40. So, I found a bunch of different, the, what I had written down here was 27. Okay. By this woman, uh, Ms. Robinson in 1936. Okay. That she had 27 children over 24 years. Wow. However, as I continue to do research and trying to like compile a list, yeah. I found more people. So this may have been 27 who survive.

Sure. But, um, [00:23:00] somebody in, it looks like in Russia, in Moscow, up in Russia had 87 children. Oh my God. They, uh, some of them are sets of, uh, 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets, and four sets of quadruple. Like at that point, isn't your body just broken? Uh, yeah. I mean, like I had two Laura. Yeah. And I don't pee right.

Sometimes if I sneeze it comes out. I have, I have my boobs, I, I, I nursed. So my boobs are just not even near where they used to be. They don't even point in the same direction as each other Uhhuh. And then I got you liked up to your little finger pointing. I know. I'm like, Hey, I do. It it to you every time too.

It's not normal. I know like my hips are not. I, like, I, I have, um, high blood pressure now that I never had mm-hmm. Before I was pregnant. Yep. Like they ruin your body. That's two. You had one. I had one. Cholesterol problems, thyroid problems, arthritis in my back from carrying the Yes. [00:24:00] Carpal tunnel. Yeah. In both of my hands.

Rill me that, I mean, forget the stretch marks and just the looks of our bodies. Like yes. If they don't work for us, yes. And then I'm sure nothing down there feels the same. I mean, I've never asked and I don't fucking care, but I betcha it doesn't, I don't know. I think it's pretty tight. You know, we work that out.

We don't work out. We work that out. Yeah. Well, that's yoga, you said help with all of that. Yeah. Your, your, uh, pelvic wall. Pelvic wall, baby. But good lord. Yeah. So I think, but seriously, nobody. Nobody tells you about this shit. No. So she had eighty seven, sixty five of those didn't survive childbirth. Or not child birth.

You weren't a new badass woman. Yeah. That's a badass woman, right? I, I, I just, she had to be pregnant the whole time. Well, they were How many sets? She was alive? Yeah. Well, well, they were, hold on, what did I say? I have a friend who has five kids and she's always pregnant. So if you have 80 some kids, you're always pregnant.

Well, yeah, but remember it was sets, so it was 16 pairs of twins. I don't care. So [00:25:00] that's 16. I don't care. Seven sets of triplets. So that's another seven. Do all your math. It's still fucked up. Right. But so, right. So to your point, how many times was she actually pregnant is still a shit ton. 16 plus seven is 23.

I would say most of her childbearing life she was pregnant and four sets of quadruples. So that's 27 times she was pregnant. Yeah. And nine months of pop. Yeah. I mean, let's do the math. Holy shit. Jesus. No thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I. You know, sometimes you just want a glass of wine, dude, my God. Order to sleep comfortably.

Wow. Or sit comfortably. Oh gosh. Yeah. Order just stand comfortably. Just, just exist comfortably. That's what I'm hearing here. It just wanna exist comfortably. Never. Cuz you also, you have, so you have your nine months, which is really 10 months. Mm-hmm. And so there's a lot of healing time. Like it took I almost nine months for me to get all healed.

Now I'm assuming since she had that many, it was just like a turtleneck, which is what, remember she's also got 60 some children to take care of while [00:26:00] pregnant. I, they have to, at that point, they take care of themselves. Laura. They all take care of themselves. I mean, they say they didn't, they didn't all serve 65, died in infancy, but they, it looks like most of them survived childbirth.

So, I mean, do they not survive infancy because there's nobody to feed them? How do you feed 60 kids? You know? Yeah. You're not watching and they just starved. Right. I mean, you can't produce that much. So, um, anyway, when I was, was I gonna say before it was when I was in our, we went to all those birthing classes.

Mm-hmm. And then before they tell you, she, I'm like, so I don't get it. Tell me how it's gonna. And she's like, oh, you're down there. It's like a, it's like a turtleneck. It just stretches. Yeah. Mind didn't bullshit stretch either fucking time. No. And the second time they're like, oh, you went through this the first time, you'll be good.

No, I wasn't. And I had a lot of healing time. So like, you know, I'm thinking like all the stuff she went, went through when you're right, there's just not enough milk in your boobs. Mm-hmm. To feed those kids. Yeah. Uh, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I'd like to, that's a, that's a crazy story, right? My grandmother, my mom's mom mm-hmm.

Had thir. She was one of 13. That's a lot. And they all had jobs. Like some of them did the [00:27:00] laundry. Some of them, like, they all had to do stuff because there was that much laundry. And then back then they didn't have a washer and dryer. They had like a ringer and they, you know, and yeah, they had scrubs.

Everything had there. There was no plastic, everything. You know, made from scratch. I would think like you'd make breakfast by the time you were done cleaning up from breakfast, you were making lunch. By the time you were done doing lunch, you were making dinner. When did you change the diapers and when do you clean the laundry?

You know? That's all you did. That's all you did. So, yeah, her, like a lot of them, they all had their jobs. They all had to do jobs because you have to, you'd be buried alive if the mom was doing everything themselves, herself. Well, anyway, I digress. But yeah, that's crazy. Right? So those are my stories. Facts for you.

Thank you. And now I'm gonna sit back and relax and listen to your stories. Okay. This is my favorite part. I like listening to yours. Okay, well sit back, relax. My first story is brought to you by a lady named Julie. Julie, yes. And Julie is a teacher and she was enjoying her last few days of winter break in January of 2012.

[00:28:00] Um, and she started getting cramps and intense. And she was pacing around the room and she felt really sick and she was like, it got to the point where she couldn't take it anymore and her fiance Ryan was like, Hmm, maybe we should go to the emergency room. So, you know, they were headed to the emergency room, but she just had this urge to go to the bathroom.

So she stopped in an Arby's. Oh God. And while they were at the Arby's, she was in the bathroom. She could not leave the bathroom. She was in there. And then suddenly there's blood everywhere. And the Arby's employee's like, mm, I need to call an ambulance. Yeah. So Arby's calls an ambulance and they rush her away.

And then her fiance's in tow, he had the car, so he wasn't in the ambulance. And uh, she gets to the emergency room and the nurse is like, you know, uh, Whoa. The nurse is like, you know, uh, whoa. The nurse is like, you're having a baby. Oh my god. And the lady's like, uh, no, I'm not, I'm not pregnant. And apparently she had like, uh, she never had a normal period [00:29:00] and she like, never really gained any weight and um, just, you know, was exhausted.

She gained a little bit of weight, but she just attributed to that. It was her first year teaching fifth grade, and they were pain and it was stressful. And dude, you know, it was fine. So Ryan finally gets to the hospital and she's like, Hey honey, we're having a baby surprise. And he like, he, she said he was so great.

He was like, all right, let's do this. So, um, that's how you know you're meant to be then, right? Yeah. Yeah. So then they have, unless they got divorced, then I take that back right then? No, no. I guess they're still together. Okay. Then they had this little daughter, Olivia, and, uh, she said it was even weirder calling all her family and friends.

Yeah. Right. Saying, Hey guys, guess what? Um, and their parents were in Vegas. And on vacation. And it was so funny, like she said that, um, her dad goes, wow, to this day, he hit the jackpot being a grandpa in Vegas. That's awesome. Yeah. So it was really cute. And [00:30:00] I guess the family was great. They got them everything they needed before they even got outta the hospital.

Oh, wow. It was already for them and stuff like that, but she didn't even know she was pregnant, which there's like a whole show of those. Right. So I had to start with, didn't even know that. I just, it blows, blows my mind. Thank you. Like, I cannot imagine. I was so sick though. Yeah. That like, I threw up. It's so big.

Well, yeah. My, my problem, like the doctor, like, they're like morning sickness. Mm-hmm. They don't tell you that there's a such thing as all, all day sickness. I had afternoon sickness. Yeah. Mine was all day, every day I weighed less giving birth. Like I, I weighed. All completely nine months pregnant mm-hmm.

Than I did before I got pregnant. You, yeah. So I, I just got really sick, but I still had a huge bump, but I remember, um, and then they're like, oh, we'll stop by the second trimester. No, no. All day, every day, whole pregnancy puking. So yeah, that was Wow. The times. It's a good times. And then with my second, they, they gave me like medicine and then, [00:31:00] I was able to eat everything and I did.

And now I'm 80 pounds heavier than I was. Woohoo. Congratulations. Yeah. I hope he's 13. Hey, did I dimension? He's 13. Oh. And uh, at this point, it's not baby weight, it's just fat. No, it's still baby weight. It's takes a while to get that off. Takes a while. Oh my God. So, um, next story. So it's St. Patrick's Day, and um, this woman's like 31 weeks pregnant.

All right. And they're like, you know what? We're about to have a baby, their first baby. They're like, let's party. Party. I can't drink. But you know what? Everyone else can, they had all their friends over. They had this big St. Patrick's Day party. It was awesome. Dozens of friends. Everyone's drinking, everyone's having cocktails, except for, of course, the pregnant lady.

But she, you know, it was great. It was a good time. Mm-hmm. And then sudden, Uh, she felt this gush of warm fluid. Okay. And it was all over the upholstery. Oh. And her water broke. And she's sitting in there with people that are so drunk. She's like, how am I going to get to the hospital [00:32:00] unless I drive myself?

But my water just broke. Yeah. Uh, so luckily her friend who was 37 weeks pregnant, oh my God, she's only 31. Who's also sober and the only other sober person at the par, the party drives her to the hospital so she can have the baby. Oh my God. And her husband is like passed out drunk. I'm just envisioning all these people like partying, not even noticing the two pregnant women are gone.

Right. And then I guess, you know, he, he like, you know, gets to it, whatever. Mm-hmm. He drank, he drinks like four cups of coffee. Um, cuz I though they finally get him awake enough cuz he's in the car passed out in the backseat. Oh, okay. They got him the car brought here? Yes. Okay. So somehow they got him to the car and she went to the er, had to admit herself.

Oh God. Because he's so fucking drunk. 20 hours later he wakes up from the back of the car and stumbles in. Her mom is fi with her and uh, you know, they, [00:33:00] uh, actually ended up having to admit him for alcohol poisoning. Oh my God. So did they get adjoining rooms? At least she ended up leaving on the same time, at the same plate together.

Oh my God. So she was like matching wheelchairs. She was like, um, like no one's. That's crazy. So then the second one comes around, lo and behold, and they ha it's Thanksgiving and they all drink at Thanksgiving. And the family, she's at her family's house and she's, this is the same woman. Second baby, same woman, second baby.

And she's like, she's 31 weeks again, everyone's drunk at Thanksgiving, and she goes into labor again, oh my God. On 31 weeks. And there was nobody there who was sober to take her to the hospital again, so they're gonna have a third. And she said, no one's allowed to drink after like 25 weeks. I think that's fair.

Right? That's, that's a good rule to have. Yeah. So, uh, yeah. Um, I thought that was hilarious. That's awesome. Okay, so my next one. About a hot doctor. Oh. And I thought about you cuz [00:34:00] I refused to go to a hot gynecologist. Mm-hmm. My gynecologist looks like a grandpa and, and is like a little old man. And I, I'm good with that.

Yeah. I don't want hot. I can't deal with hot in my junk. Right. You know, it's just too much. I'm already not wanting to be there. So anyways, so this woman's, um, she's, she's in labor, right? And she's like, oh my gosh. The hottest doctor, I guess this rotation walked in to check her cervix and she's like, Like, oh, you know, smitten over him and he says, you got quite a lot of hair down there.

I was enraged because I hadn't seen my feet in feet in weeks. And she was like so mad. And she's like, you know, go to hell. I'm pregnant. I don't time to trim. And she was raging. And then her husband's like, he's talking about the baby's head. She was like, I'd be pissed too. I waxed, right? I thought of you.

Just a fucking break. Right? Gimme a break. And she was like, oh, the, the baby's head a lot hair. So she was like, okay. I did make Sean shave my [00:35:00] legs and like do my toes after I went into labor. Like before we went like, I'm not going to the hospital until you do all this stuff. Oh, he's such a good guy. I don't even think about stuff like that.

I just wear really high. Mm. And I'm like, nah, I don't take my socks off. And if they get gross, I, I bring extra socks, you know? Yeah. I don't wear socks in the summer because I have, I have weird feet. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't care if I was pregnant. I'm putting socks on. I'm not going to go to the doctors without socks.

Keep my spare socks in my, my purse. All right. So anyway, that one was funny. All right, next one. I thought of you on this one too. Uhoh. Yeah. They always make me think of you. Aww. So I think of you online too. Here we go. So this woman's, um, she's at a student doctor. One like you went to, there's lots of people.

I didn't go to a student doctor. Oh, sorry. I went to a regular hospital, but her, my doctor decided to bring the whole training class in while I was giving birth. It wasn't my decision. Well, but if you go to like Penn State, it's a, it's a doc, you know, it's, it went to Harrisburg. Oh, okay. So there's no reason that you should, there's no reason that should have happened to me.

I will tell you, when we were broke and we were living in, this is before my husband and [00:36:00] I got married. We were living in Illinois. Um, and my husband and I, and like I said, was before we got married. Mm-hmm. And he had gallbladder issues. His gallbladder, we, we didn't realize what it was. He'd had these attacks and, um, you know, finally his, their doctor was like, you gotta get this gallbladder out.

Mm-hmm. You know, this had been like four years of these weird things that were happening at this point. So we, we, he went to the hospital and to get a. You could let all the students come in. Oh God. So the poor guy, it took them a while to shave him. Oh. And he's, the guy's like, well, it took longer to shave you and then do the surgery.

That's embarrassing. So what, what? That was not, not a nice to say, not a nice thing to say. I would, I, at least for a woman, I would not wanna hear that he was gonna get the discount, but he was assured that he would be asleep by the time. They came in. Mm-hmm. But I guess because it had taken a while to shave him, he was naked on a table.

Oh no. And not asleep. Oh. Because I guess the anesthesiologist was running late. So all the students came in while he is naked [00:37:00] on a table. He said it was horrible. Yeah, horrible. They're all just like staring at him with their little clipboards Yeah. And their little notebooks. So yeah. When you say like, yeah, think of that.

Anyway. Yeah, it's embarrassing. So this one, um, it's, it's one of those hospitals. And so this woman is, after she pushed out her placenta, her ob like handed it to the student doctor who had been observing, and then all of a sudden all you hear is splat. Oh, and the, and the OB helped pick that up. Oh my. So her place sent it, splat it all.

Oh my God. That's good. My God, that's, I just thought, you know what, it's like a head pop. Yeah. How do I not just like start? She said she laughed. Okay. Really hard. And it was really funny, but. I, I just, I could see you doing that. Is that happening in your, as long as it's not the baby. I know. Squish black up.

He's fine. He's fine. I think that's, I think that's probably a [00:38:00] lawsuit. Thank HESIs. Wow. Anyway, so I also read. A ton about funny epidural stories. Oh God. Like, because you don't feel it like this one woman like touched her leg. Mm-hmm. And she thought she was touching her mom's leg and she's like, oh, you need to tell me your skincare routine.

Your skin feels wonderful. It. So it was so funny. Oh my God. Cause you couldn't feel your legs, right. So this, I think, I swear it makes you loopy too. Oh, I think so. Dude. I like high fived my doctors and told 'em I did a great job. I saw. But you did a great job. Just at this point when you get the epidural, it's just all, it's, I mean, cuz it's so much pain.

Yeah. So when you get that, it's like, it's just wonderful. It's like euphoria. It's like, wow, this is the bestest day. I was in the most pain of my life and now I'm a nun. None. Give me a heads up high. Five grand Now. How's everybody doing? I sent my family home. Yeah. I was like, Woohoo. Let me, uh, let me order some take.

I haven't slept this comfortably in [00:39:00] nine months, no minutes. I know. I just, I wish you could, yeah, just give me like whatever that epidural like, you know? Mm-hmm. I didn't like it going in though, like my whole left side twitched and made like a funky thing. Yeah, that, that's like where they're grinding a hole in your spine.

Not a big, not a big fan. But afterwards, afterwards though, it's gorgeous. It's a bomb. So anyway, yeah, this woman finally got her epidural. She was falling asleep. She was feeling wonderful and glorious and, um, She just kept on hearing her husband farting and it was like, you know, you know how it is. They're disgusting.

Yeah. And she was so mad and she's like, hours of it, it would just fart. And then, um, you know, the whole time they were checking her, when they were checking her stuff, he was farting with the doctors in the room and she was so goddamn annoyed. And then in the hallway when the doctors left, she was like, babe, seriously quit it.

Knock it off. And he's like, babe, that wasn't me. She was farting the whole time. Works. You took a shit [00:40:00] on the table. Or like they, you know, when you deliver the baby or whatever. Yeah. But I don't even, you don't even think about the. Farting aspect. No, I didn't. And like, like now, like I'm thinking about this later, they were like so stinky again.

Stuff they don't tell you because you wouldn't be able to feel it. I don't know, maybe I was farting the whole time. She's like, it was not a small toot. She's like that poor, poor doctor. Apparently this doctor was very hunky as well. Oh, it's terrible. So yeah, epidurals, man, you know, a good time. They're the best nightmares.

All right, and this is my last one, I think. So this one, I don't know why this, I laugh so hard and it's not even that funny, but I just could see it. All right, so here we go. Mm-hmm. So they were, um, this woman was, you know, trying to get things going. She knew she was overdue, and, uh, so they were out. She went out to just walk the dog.

So she's walking the dog. It's like a brisk. I don't know, in between winter and spring morning and, um, suddenly she's like around the block, her water breaks. [00:41:00] Oh, and the combination of the warm water and the frost frosty crisp morning. Her whole crotch was steaming. Oh my God. Her burning lines. She said she walked around, her husband pointed, he was laughing so hard, like 10 minutes, and she's like, I need to get to the hospital.

And he could not contain himself, so she just kind of kept waddling home. So they finally, she could get on a chase. The thing. She's like, he's like, it was just so much steam. I, they got a video of that. I know. Today with a cell. I don't know when that was, but with cell phones, you know, they would capture, no, I You almost wanted to google steaming crotches, but I thought that might get me, me trouble in trouble.

You can't. Yeah. I was like, no, no. Do you know her husband would do that? That happened to us. We won't like, go get the car. I, I can't. Hit me so minute. Your crotches steaming right now. Now what? Is this ever gonna happen again? I mean, hopefully for our sakes, a lot for yours. Hopefully not. Eric. This, this is a moment.

I, I need to soak it all in. Pun [00:42:00] intended. Oh my gosh, I love it so much. So yeah, those were my, I read them and I was like, oh, I needed laughter. I needed laughter. That's f funny. Fantastic. Oh yeah. So yeah, nothing I was gonna talk about, um, my, like, some stories about my, but I feel like I covered all the stuff that, you know, was crazy about my personal births.

I was just really sick. Yeah. And it was no fun. And my doctor, You, uh, not really made for making babies. I'm like, mm. Last time I checked I was, he's like, yeah, not you. So, so I was like, okay, well, then he's like, yeah, don't have any more. So I wanted to, so I would've had like a baseball team. Now, I'm glad in hindsight that I didn't Yeah.

Right. Because I didn't realize like, your heart literally is leaving your body and walking around and you mm-hmm. You know, then suddenly, you know, they're driving and, or they're sleeping over people's houses and you don't know they're okay. And it sucks. It's terrifying. So yeah. No thanks. Two is enough.

I'm, I'm already crazy. Mess enough. Um, you know, maybe I'll, maybe we'll get some foster kids and that, that can screw me [00:43:00] up more. There you go. Yeah, but I'm not, I'm not pushing anymore outta this body. Nope. I don't even know if I could, if I, if I tried. Nope. I'm good with the one. Yeah. There was a story though recently about a man who had had a vasectomy.

Yeah. And you know how our, both of our husbands have mm-hmm. Snipped. Yeah. So it was, it was, uh, like 20 years. He got his wife pregnant. Oh my God. For some reason it started working again. Oh shit. So I was like, well that just ruined a lot of nights for me. Right. You know, I was like, now I really, really need to hit menopause.

Right. You know, this whole, I stuck at my period. I'm like, wait a minute. You is, what is the odds of that? So they ended up having a baby and she was like 47. Wow. And he, or that would suck. He was like 60. He was. Or maybe he was like in this, I don't know. That was recently in the news. I don't know how they are.

I'm just making that shit up. Anyway, all I'm telling you is she was 23, he had a vasectomy and now his wife is pregnant and it was years later. That's, that's the story I heard recently. I looked at my husband, I'm like, that's not good. No, I said, cuz I remember waking up after we made the [00:44:00] decision to, to do the vasectomy thing.

I remember waking up in New Orleans after a night of drinking. And realizing that we could be pregnant and thinking, oh my gosh. And then when we weren't, how relieved we were. Mm-hmm. So that's when we knew. Mm-hmm. It's time and the idea that it might not work. It's terrifying. That's terrifying. Yeah. We need to get a, a switch or something installed when, you know, like when they're little, you know, that switch that they developed, you can turn it on and off, keep it off until they're ready to have babies.

Then turn it on. Oh, is that real? I really, something about that. You can put that in your. Uh, it's real. I think it's still in our development. Cause I was recent. I was gonna do a story on it sometime, but to me that seems much better than, um, what we deal with, with now. They're saying now every form of birth control causes br it has a heightened form of, uh, breast cancer and this and that.

Every, not before they just thought it was the pill. No. IUDs, all of 'em have a heightened. Awesome. Yeah. Awesome. It's slight though. It's slight, but you go ahead women, you put your body through all this [00:45:00] stuff and ruin everything and keep doing it, you know, get the fucking switch. That's what I'm saying.

You need a switch in your penis. Agreed period. I will keep researching it and I will give you information when we do a week on that. I'm very punny today. You are so punny today. I can't understand it. So yeah, that's all. I got you. Yeah. Um, no, that's all I got. I don't really have any crazy birth stories of my own.

Yeah. I mean mine, I went into labor. Went home or went into labor, went into work, did finish the stuff I had to do, you know, cuz he was two and a half weeks early, went to McDonald's because I never eat McDonald's. And after having a baby, you know, I figured I wasn't gonna go eat bad food again. I was gonna be healthy.

Oh. Uh, called my mom, yeah. Went home, hung out for a while, watched a movie, made chicken, catch a tori for dinner, ate dinner, had Sean shake my legs, do my nails. And then I went into the, the, uh, hospital and you. In labor the whole time? Uh, yeah, apparently. Yeah. When did you know? In the morning. But [00:46:00] like they all say, you know, like, you've got time.

You've got time. Like, well, I'm not gonna go sit in the hospital, sit at home. Yeah. That's what they tell you to do, right? Yeah. So you can't stand it anymore. So that's what I did. I couldn't stand it anymore. That was pretty much it. And then I went and got the epidural and I took a nap and told everybody, go home, I wake you up, I'll call you back.

Oh, the epidural. Oh yeah. Amazing. That was pretty much it. Yeah. Awesome. So, Until next time. Until next time later, later.

Hey, before we go, wasn't there something you wanted to tell all the peoples? Yeah. Okay. Don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe to our little podcast wherever you like to listen. We heard it's important. Super important. Yep. And, uh, where else can they find us? Laura? You know, I'm glad you asked. They can also find this on Facebook, TikTok and Instagram at my Crazy Friend podcast.

And if you have anything you wanna tell us, just email us at my Crazy Friend podcast gmail.com. All that [00:47:00] is accurate. So yeah, until next time, later.